Letter to Random

Dear Mr. Random,

After my day of working a split shift is over, I would like to have been able to go to sleep. Just sleep.

But what fun is that? Mr. Random,

Newest neighbors dogs barked from the A.M to the A.M literally!

Forget about sleep, Mr. Random.

But what is it that I love about you, Mr. Random?

Time, Randomness, and Memories.

Because on this night at approximately 11:45 P.M.

I tell my Mr. Random I am hot, and I cannot sleep.

So what does my Mr. Random ask?

“Wanna go to Sonic?” of course I said yes!

So Mr. Random, that was a memory made.

Then my Mr. Random amped up his game…

“Wanna go to the Tattoo Parlor”…

“of course I said yes!!

My Mr. Random took me to the Tattoo Parlor and guess what?

I now have an appointment for Thursday at 6 p.m!

Thank you Mr. Random for yet another fantastic memory with you!

Thank you Mr. Random for checking tattoo of my bucket list.

Please, my Mr. Random, never stop doing what you do to me!

Surprising me, loving me, being completely crazy with me.

I am in love with you Mr. Random!

Your soon to be Rose tattooed,



Plans, Goals, and All Other Things

Dear Readers,

So I still cannot decide what I want to write about for November. So I think that is why I have written a poem, and now goals, and soon a letter! Let’s just knock out an entire month in a night, why don’t we? So anyways, I wanted to write down a few things that I really want to accomplish. Some with my partner, for our family, some just for myself. A little bit of everything.

New years is right around the corner, and I am just a step ahead. My ultimate goal is to continue finding myself within the world around me. But that is in any year. So here is a list of things I would like to accomplish within the year 2016.

  • Get a tattoo
  • live a healthier lifestyle for my own health (get back in the gym, eat right, drink water…etc.)
  • continue climbing this uphill slope (positive track) with my relationship
  • I will be twenty so hopefully find my own insurance soon
  • Find a new place to live (better suited for our lifestyle)
  • Look into getting back into college
  • Achieve a recipe book
  • Make 2 quilts
  • Go on a REAL vacation
  • buy a better car
  • BE A BETTER FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • find a better paying job if necessary at the time!!! (love my job, pay needs to support what I want in life)
  • Eventually learn to tell my mom the basics. Tell her that yes I am intimate with my partner (she already knows, but I need to be able to tell her), tell her my plans,

So all of these are certainly things I would like to accomplish in 2016. I want to be able to move forward from where I am today. Work towards my dreams, family goals, and get a step closer to where I want to be in the future.

Ultimate future goal: teach overseas (backup plan: babysitting business), own my own home, live debt free (not currently in debt, but I don’t ever want to be).

What are your goals for 2016? Do you have a new years resolution yet?

The Power of Love vs. Alzheimer’s

Dear Bloggers,

Today I write about love and Alzheimer’s. What sparked the idea was a movie called “Still Alice”. It is about a lady who develops a very rare form of the Alzheimer’s disease and catches it in its early stages. There is no cure for Alzheimer’s and it takes a big toll on everyone’s life and not just the person with this terrible disease.

There were several teary eyed moments in this movie as I was connecting myself with this movie. A time in the movie when Alice began forgetting certain scheduled events throughout her day, or names, or words even. My Grandma developed Alzheimer’s at a later age. Actually just a few years before she passed, and the effects of Alzheimer’s shown in the movie were quite similar to what my Grandma had experienced.

After losing track of small memories like words, names, and scheduled events Alice would begin to lose track of where she was. She would get lost in her own home. The first time she got lost in her home, she could not find the bathroom. She simply could not remember where it was. In fact her husband had to escort her to where she needed to go. She eventually had to keep a log of questions to help her remember things. For example she would type the question, “What is my daughter’s name?” , and she would answer “Anna”. She would do this with various questions for the memories she did not want to forget, and she would do this until she could no longer answer the questions.

Luckily my Grandma never got lost in her own home. She would lose track of her items quite often she would want to make a sandwich and by the time she made it to the kitchen, forget why she went to the kitchen. The thing about love though. You very seldom forget the people you truly love. If you think about it. A mother with Alzheimer’s may forget her children’s names in the later stages as the disease continues to develop. But she will almost always remember her lover, or husband. Something that I noticed in the movie and with my Grandma as well.

Now my Grandma did not have a husband to stand by her side to the very end. I mean he was there mentally, spiritually, not physically. My grandpa passed when I was one year old. But my Grandma never forgot my name. She remembered me up until her final day. She would sometimes confuse me my name with my cousin’s. But it was okay because I understood. She always remembered her kids names. Always. She loved them to pieces! Although she would forget why she was in the nursing home or what she was sick with (she also had cancer). No matter what, she would always ask me about her kids, how they were doing; and she just never forgot their names. Which is amazing to me. I was so thankful for that, because it made it easier to take care of her, she was more comfortable and it was easier I think on all of us.

With Alice she was beginning to confuse her kids names, but she never forgot her husband. It makes sense though. Alice may have given birth to 3 kids in the movie and raised them until they were a certain age. So I would assume 18 to mid 20’s at the most. They move out, go to college, get jobs, start families of their own. They are not there every day. But her husband is. He wakes up with her every day, shares intimate moments with her, made memories in the past. He is the father to her kids. He is her soul mate. Some do forget their soul mate because of Alzheimer’s. But some remember and I think it is because the heart remembers that person. That person has a very special place in their heart. A piece of love that is so strong that even Alzheimer’s can not steal away. And that is the true Power of Love!

I hope that when I get old or before my mother gets old that there is a cure for Alzheimers because I know for a fact that I do not want anyone else or my mother going through such a thing. That to me is worse than any disease. To live your whole entire life, and make many memories, successes, attempts, and fails; and for what? To forget it all and everyone in the end? That is not fair, not right, not life, not normal. To me that is worse than death. The idea of being alone in the middle of a room full of people that you once knew, and loved, but can no longer remember. Not even a memory of yourself. That is sad.

And if Alzheimer’s strikes my family (mom, dad, my brother, me, etc…) I hope we never forget the one person we truly love. Just one person. Of course life does not give us much choice, hopefully we do not forget to love ourselves enough to not give up. That tomorrow will somehow be better than yesterday. That there is hope, and that Alzheimer’s can someday be equal to the flu or the common cold. Where a complete memory loss of all people and things in our personal lives can too be just a memory, a thing in the past.

For any of you readers dealing with Alzheimer’s in any way I hope that you or your family can find your peace with it because do remember this. Alzheimer’s is a disease, and that disease is not you! It is what you have, but it is not you! So stay strong, and love like hell to fight like hell. In the end you have each other and that is really the only way to beat this disease in the year 2015.



Life Before Love

My fellow bloggers,

I have been a little inspired by Eunice. She is a blogger, and her site is https://contemplationofcreativity.wordpress.com/

you should totally check it out because it is awesome!!! Anyways she replied to my comment saying how she hopes her love life gets better, but also that “being single also has its perks!”. Which brought an idea to mind, you know how I met my love, and that we are together and live together and what not. But what about life before love? What was my life like before I met my hubby. So here is where I begin.

Beginning with my freshman year in high school, starts the first year of the fabulous four years straight of being single. You read that right my friends four very fabulous years I was single. cute heart Do I regret not being more open? Not even one bit! I was happy, and could focus on school and spending time with my friends and especially family. Then I also could really focus on volunteering, which was my favorite thing to do at the time. I was very into it, good at it, and appreciated the time spent while I was there. I even earned a scholarship for volunteering, and I got a few of my friends involved in it as well!

One thing I do not regret is going to the dances. Prom, homecoming, and others? That stuff did not matter to me. Spending money on a dress and getting all fancy just to go to a dance where most of the girls would dance slutty or well the more (in style) way of dancing in the 20th century. So what can I say today, yes I might have put more thought into it before making my decision to never attend one of those dances. I might have bought myself a ticket, and a dress, and some makeup to wear for one night. But that is the only thing I would have done differently. I still do not think I would have opened up to anyone (relationship wise) unless it were for one specific person. Whom I did happen to reach out to and see if he were to want to try things again. He was my best friend from childhood. We knew each other since we were 4 years old. We grew up together, and were basically boyfriend girlfriend til the 8th grade. Then I ended it because we were being separated by life.

He was going to be going to a different school. For the eighth grade, and I was going to stay right where I was. Had I known we were going to meet again in high school, I would have waited for him. Then things would be very different today! I must cute heartsay I kept all of my promises as did he. We had always promised each other that we would be there for each other. He would be out on the football field, and I would be cheering for him on the sidelines. I did this through peewee cheerleading and my entire high school career. But our love never got a second chance. Do I regret that, maybe. Do I wish things were different, no. I am happy with everything I have today. What I have become and what I am becoming. The family my hubby and I are working towards, and our life goals.

So yes being single does have its perks. For me it was being patient while learning to open my eyes, listen to my heart, and watch life unfold before my eyes as new doors opened and old ones closed.

But after four years of being single, how could I have known so fast that what I had was true love at first sight? Well just like the old saying goes, “you just know.”. Your heart will know what it wants. For me I think I knew the very second I laid eyes on my hubby that I wanted to share my life with him. It was the sleepless nights because the thoughts of “us” were endless. “Megan Lane” kept running through my mind. I mean does that not just sound perfect? It was the butterflies I would get when he would call. The smile he would bring to my face when we exchanged texts at late night/ early morning hours. The way he made me feel, the way he was everything my parents were against, but somehow brought light to my eyes making me think that there was just something there about him that I did not want to miss out on. I knew I would go through hell and back just to be with him, as I was right, and I did fight everyone I knew other than the distant friends I had. But I knew that I could work things out with them later, as long as it meant I got to have him in the end. Guess who won the battle? We did! And we are loving every minute of it!!!!

So just wait ladies and gents, love will come your way soon hopefully!

sincerely (not cupid),


Are You Living or Are you Living Life?


Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. stated “Do your work so well that no one else could do it better.” Today Americans are so caught up in their work that they forget to stop and look up at the world around them and enjoy it. Businesses compete with other companies, and the competition really brings the heat around holiday. This can really distract business workers from enjoying life’s little moments. For instance, some people might take each day of life for granted simply by a strict time schedule, and the everyday expectation that they will wake up every morning and continue living their lives. Unaware of how to appreciate and enjoy life until they are reminded of how short life is and how you are not in control of how long you can live your life. “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover I had not lived (pg. 253 Thoreau, Henry David).” When Henry Thoreau observed he was not living life like he should, he decided to view Earth differently and live life differently by taking a walk through the woods and learning what it had to teach. Realizing he was not the only one who let his life of simplicity get in the way of living life itself. He also realizes that there is more to life than the job you have and how much money you have got in your wallet. In his story “from Walden,” he is saying to go out and explore the world and live your life before it is too late. Do not stay in one place for the rest of your life because you would be missing out; there is more to see. However for a business to do their work and be one of the best businesses around it takes time and dedication. For an employee, you would have to be devoted to nothing else but your job and your assignment, because one bad mistake could put you in a bad position and could get you fired. This would add a lot of stress, but it is sad because even those who are stressed will not stop what they are doing even for a second because they have to have it done. Life itself is a mystery, for there are so many things we do not know about the world we live in today. So why take life for granted when you could be living life to its’ fullest? Sure there are benefits to being the better business, but what is that going to do for you? What is the most you are going to get from the job you work for? The most you could get is probably retirement benefits. Right? So when do you plan on living your life? Now, before you retire, or after you retire because nothing else matters except the quality of life you desire.

“Living in a Scrapbook”

Living in America today is like living in a scrapbook. I can look back through the years and see where America has been and look to see where we are now. When I look back I can see many different things. Like the Americans who were the only race in America who could receive an education, and the colored working long hard hours for them without pay. The colored were called slaves and were usually tantalized for their wrongdoings. “She aimed to keep me ignorant; and I resolved to know, although knowledge only increased my discontent. My feelings were not the result of any marked cruelty in the treatment I received; they sprung from the consideration of my being a slave and all (pg. 334 Douglass, Frederick).” The reason why Mr. Douglass had been punished was for the fact he had tried, and somewhat succeeded, at receiving an education. Something slaves longed for and wanted to fight for, but were afraid to because they would be beaten or killed. Then as I move forward in the scrapbook I see groups of people realistically dying for freedom because they want it so bad. I see mobs of black protestors listening to their “king.” Though he mmay not be the king of America, he was a leader of African American groups who believed in anti-slavery, equality, rights, and most of all freedom. His name is Martin Luther King Jr. “Then public support is magnetically attracted to the advocates of non-violence, while those who employ violence are literally disarmed by overwhelming sentiment against their stand (pg. 894 Martin Luther King Jr.)” In this line he is saying that so far the blacks are beating Americans in the fight against the idea. Martin Luther King Jr. wanted us to know that at this point they were getting closer to freedom. Moving forward to the time when Thomas Jefferson signed the Declaration of Independence and created everyone equal I see freedom. On July 4, 1776 Congress passed a document which granted everyone freedom, and made America one nation that everyone would know, love, and want to be a part of. Once this document passed millions fled from other countries to the Golden Gates to gain freedom and a better life. When I look in the scrapbook at today I see that we are living in a country that has been created only by those in history. We were not the ones who created freedom, it was them, but we are the ones who are still living what they created today; for we are the ones that will shape and create the world in which future generations will live in.

[so as a side note from when this essay was written to “now”. All colorful words expressed in this text were written not to cause harm, conflict, or to be offensive. If the word choice offends you, I am truly deeply sorry. I do apologize. However I will say that this was a high school essay back in 2012. I have just chosen to have it “published” in some form. For me, that form is this blog post.]

What it Means to be Living – (2012)

tranquil“If a man has not discovered something what he is willing to die for he is not fit to live.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

As a student in high school I find that I am not living life to its fullest. It might be because I am only a young adult and I have my whole life ahead of m. When I attended school every day I think about my future and what I want to do with my life after high school. I am almost positive that I want to be a teacher because I want students to enjoy school just as much as I have. When I think about my life I also think about the things I want to do to make my life more interesting. My thoughts include place I want to go, people I want to meet, and differences I would like to make in other people’s lives. All of these thoughts, ideas, and plans for my future will lead me to my purpose in life.

Having a purpose in life is exactly what Martin Luther King Jr. is trying to explain. He wants people to find their purpose in life. He also wants to remind people that in order to live it will take more than a heartbeat and breathing in air, because living is exploring the world and discovering what you can really do to make society better. If I were to classify the word living I would say that a difference or idea has been made and made clear to people by someone of great significance.

A line out of the story “from Walden” by Henry David Thoreau goes, “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach and not, when I came to die, discover I had not lived.” This is a line that simply explains that life is short in a way that we should never waste a moment to grasp all that we can whether it is knowledge that the Earth and its people have to give us, or being accompanied by another culture which puts us back in our place by making us feel small. I know that if you do not live life carefully and you have not experienced nature first hand then you are not living.

One of the most famous women in the world is Oprah. She has lived her life, gone through challenges, faced her fears, helped complete strangers to get back up on their feet, economically, and she has been a big impact on children’s lives by donating a large sum of money to have a school built in Africa so those children could receive a quality education. She is only one example in modern day society. I know that there are many more people who can say that they have lived their lives to the fullest, but can you?

Working For Free – (2012)


My greatest accomplishment was becoming a volunteer during my eighth grade year. A volunteer is someone who puts hard work and effort toward a cause that benefits many people or a community for free. The first reason I became a volunteer was so I could eventually earn a National Junior Honor Society certificate. I began volunteering at McCune Brooks Regional Hospital in Carthage, MO. It did not take long for me to know my way around the place, of course it always helped whenever friends of mine worked with me. If any of us had a question, we knew we could count on one another to get an answer. Volunteering improved my capability of talking to and helping total strangers. My friends know me as one who likes to talk, but in certain situations I can be extremely shy. Although I am older now and I am out of eighth grade, I still choose to volunteer at McCune Brooks. Not only does it make me feel like a better person, but it makes me feel like I belong somewhere other than my own home. Now the second reason I volunteer is the need to get out of the house. When I have nothing to do except sit around the house all day, I really do get irritated by my parents. My mom and dad then start to get irritated with me. nIt gets hard to even talk with my parents without sounding hateful. So the only way to take a break from all of that is to leave and volunteer. Volunteering only seemed to work because of the peace and quiet there. The courtside garden is so beautiful with the many flowers and ducks they have. With the water running through the garden it is like therapy. It takes all of my feelings away and I can just breathe. It is like it is impossible to think because all I can see is beauty. The third reason I work there is because of inspiration. I am always inspired by visitors that come in with a smile for no reason at all. I will never forget the time when this older lady, who needed wheeled up to the cafeteria to get her dinner, told why she was there. Then unexpectedly, she told me thank-you. She said, “Thank-you for smiling to me earlier, it felt much better. I do not like it when somebody feels bad for me, for I would much rather see a warm, comforting smile.” To this day, I smile at anyone who walks into or out of the hospital. Volunteering has made me a more compassionate person and has helped me to earn a certificate. Now my goal, every time I work, is the same as it was two years ago. It is to make any person feel the least bit better when they walk out of the doors of the hospital.

A Picture Perfect Painting, 2012


Have your eyes ever met scenery so intriguing that your senses suddenly become totally aware of your surroundings? This past summer I had the opportunity to travel with Missouri Southern State University to Tulsa, Oklahoma.n When we first arrived there, we toured Tulsa University. Later we went to the Philbrook Museum of Art, where we had the chance to view many magnificent works of art. One of my favorite works of art, though the name of its creator  has escaped my memory, is a painting of mountains and trees. The Cedar and Douglas fir trees were so distinguished and detailed it was the first thing that was eyes were drawn to. The precise, fine lines that the artist had painted defined the trunk of each tree. Adding in dark shadows made the colors of the trees more visible and making it look as if there were spaces between each of them. Just above the trunk I could see the greenery the tops of the trees presented. With the contrast of the colors so distinguished, I could easily tell one group of trees from the other. The dark green leaves and the light green leaves instantly reminded me of the country; being out in the open, exposed to nature, and nothing around me but the bird and the bees. I can still remember the smell of the fresh, crisp air and feeling smaller than my surroundings for the first time in many days. Another detail the artist put into the painting was a body of water, that was peaceful and calm. The artist seemed to have wanted the observer to think the waters come up only to kiss the shores and quietly go away. The light blue water matched the color of the sky so perfectly you would have thought that the sky was a reflection of the water. Just under the blanket of blue were the mountains standing tall and strong, and covering a great area. Had I not looked closely, I would not have seen that the mountains were snowcapped. I could tell there were light clouds, almost like fog, trying to block my view of the mountains. I realize the artist’s intent was to make the observer feel as though the mountains are far off in the distance. When I look at the mountains in the picture, I see a delicate line at the top to differentiate the higher points from the lower points. The color of the most distant mountain almost blended in with the sky, while the color of the closer mountain is a shady black and a cappuccino brown. When I looked at the entire painting as an individual I saw colors, objects, and lines to form land. However, when I viewed this picture as an observer I could see so much more. I observed that the water was calm, and the trees were fresh with green leaves. I observed that the mountains were distant and the sky looked heavenly. As an observer I could see not only colors, objects, lines, and tone; but the feeling the artist created within the painting like tranquility, rejuvenation, and balance. What intrigued me most about the painting was that as both an individual and an observer I found that this work of art grasped my attention and pulled me into it. It made me feel like I was living and breathing in the scenery at that very moment. Whether it is in a painting or in real life, your eyes are going to meet scenery that will please you and your eye. So when that moment comes grasp it, love it, and remember it because that is your place. Like mine, but my place is this painting.

“Freedom and Freedom’s Dreamers”


A man named Ralph Waldo Emerson quoted “it was a high counsel I once heard given to a young person, “Always do what you are afraid to do’.” People once had to live in a world of slavery. A classification that no one wanted or chose, but were forced to live in those conditions. Slaves sacrificed their lives by running away from the homes of their owners in search for a new life; a life of freedom. Some were lucky and found what they were searching for. While others were caught, returned to their owners, and beaten or hung. Freedom was not given to America; therefore America had to fight a long and vigorous battle to earn their freedom. It was not easy and it took many years. It required brave men and women, education, the support of their colleagues, and the support of the government.America

“Spirit! Who made those freemen dare to die, or leave their children free, Bid time and nature gently spare the shaft we raise to them and Thee. (Concord Hymn, pg.240, Emerson, Ralph Waldo)”

This part of the hymn is my proof of the sacrifices made by those who fought for freedom. For it tells us that people had to be willing to die for something that they would either fail miserably, or succeed victoriously. If they fail to accomplish their “task” then they would not only lose their chance at freedom, but could lose their life for basically becoming traitors. If they were to succeed then they would win a better life for themselves and their children, grandchildren, etc. . .) So on the night of July4, 1776 America’s dreams came true because Thomas Jefferson signed the Declaration of Independence, a declaration that will always be remembered and never forgotten because they can now live their lives perpetually and eternally in freedom.

“We hold these truths to be self evident: that all men are created equal, that thy are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. . .etc., (pg. 169, Thomas Jefferson).”

A document and its’ words which proved justice for those who lost their lives in the fight for freedom, and that the people have succeeded victoriously. Rights have been declared and America has gained freedom. At the same time we became a nation known as the world’s super power, and a place where all your dreams come true. However freedom’s dreamers rights to education or opinion. Countries like Saudi Arabia that give power to men and give no rights for women. Countries like China who prefer no more than one delivery of a baby girl by one couple and multiple deliveries of baby boys. These are countries where women are starting to realize that they deserve to have rights, but they do not know how to express their opinion without being punished severely for it.

Those women who have been brave and stood up for what they believed in have been defeated more than once by their own people, and continue on into today hoping for a day that they too could be free. If your dream is one that is worth dying for, one that will impact your country in a positive way, then go for it. You do not want to drown in a sea of, what if?, because you did not try. Even if you do try and you do lnot succeed the first time, at least you can say you tried. Remind yourself, “Always do what you are afraid to do. (pg. 238 Emerson)”