I am going to be honest, this day was rough. Emotionally and physically. Finding something positive in this day is like trying to scrape burned crumbs off of an iron skillet. That is how bad I was. So I am going to take a second to vent. Pay day today! However all my money is gone due to bills. I am thankful for my job which allows me to pay the bills and have food and other things. But we are just barely making it on a penny. I am sorry, but when I have a plan that I know will work, and things do not go my way. I am going to get emotional about it. Like today my hubby and I both got paid. I planned on paying 3 bills completely leaving just one for the following week. No that did not happen, one got partially paid, another one completely paid and then oh what do you know! Two major bills still to be paid for next week!!! (I am stressed because winter is coming up, which means snow and ice, and holidays). I know that I chose this life, but I feel like I am at my BREAKING point. To where I do not know if this is going to work. Questioning my own happiness, and what I want out of life.
Not to mention I had to be at work at 5, well I did not leave work until 11. When I get home I do not even get a chance to tuck my hubby’s son in, or talk, or even say goodnight. I will be gone early in the morning to see my niece whom I have not seen in two months. So I am excited about that! But I have to be at work at 11 leave probably around 1, or stay. I will not know until I get there. Then I have to work again at 5 and get home around 10 that night. Then I work 5-close the following day. Again I love my job, love the hours I am getting, the paycheck I love, but again I am sacrificing quite a bit and am still stressed out almost daily. Will my present day life work out? I have no Idea and to be honest, that really scares me.
On second thought I really am acknowledging others today, for one my boss did not get the job he applied for. He so deserved to get it. I am very upset that he did not get the job because he needs/wants it more than ever. And right now Mexico and Texas are getting hit with that major Hurricane! I will be thinking of them.
So I am glad that I am able to vent everything on here without doubt, much reason, or judgement. Because on days like these it is much needed. I was on the breaking point of crying in front of my hubby today on two different occasions. I hate crying in front of people, especially him because I like to be strong. I am kind of like most men when it comes to expressing feelings. I usually hide them, and that is not good.
So now for the positive thing about today. I know my boss feels like he can come to me for anything. I have a job, and my bills get paid. I get to see my niece tomorrow. I woke up and got to live another day.
Oh and I am really contemplating my decision about whether or not I want to try and start going to church! I would like to, but if I do I would like to stay committed. And if I did where would I go? Or if I just want to buy a bible, and read it whenever I can at home.
I wish you all a wonderful night and would just like to say thank you very much for reading/commenting/staying in touch with me. I really appreciate it and I hope all the best for you in whatever it is you wish to achieve!
Goodnight my friends.