Tonight has gone by SOOOO slow! At least for me anyways. So I thought that I would jot down some thoughts that have been going through my mind lately. For instance,
I really want a tattoo. I am really having trouble making up my mind. I talk myself out of it, and/or I can not decide what I want first. Simple elephant, outline, black, small, maybe on the wrist. Or a beautiful red rose with a green stem, on the shoulder. I want to be a teacher, so clearly I would have to have this tat in a place where it can easily be covered up.
Know how to play? I don’t, but would like to learn. Acoustic preferably. It just sounds so beautiful. I mean, right now I am listening to Boyce Avenue on Youtube. He sounds so amazing! His cover of the song Fast Car is so relaxing, but so beautiful at the same time.
Oh this Fall weather is my favorite. The allergies I can let slide and not get to me because this is my favorite time of the year! Bring on the homemade pumpkin pie! Family, Food, and Football. Not to mention the scenic beauty this season brings to Southwest Missouri!
Oh how I wish I could travel wherever I wanted to. Just drop everything and go. Unfortunately with what I have, so far, that is impossible. Where would I go? Now that it is night here, I would go either anywhere where there are lots of lights like NYC, or lots of stars like in my backyard. Just listen to my music and drive anywhere without a destination with my love. Then where would I go come dawn? Somewhere overseas. So I can fly in the clouds, look down at the water. Once I reach my destination, unload the plane, look up and see beauty. People, or open field. Wildlife or civilization. It is another country, of course to me it is going to be beautiful. But for this country it either needs to have a foreign language, like Italy or Spain. Otherwise it needs to have a choice between either pizza or elephants. I am in love with both.
I dream of the day that my voice is finally trained to sing in front of large crowds voluntarily listening. Not quite there, not sure that I will ever be. But I really enjoy singing. Yes I sing when no one is around. I sing like I own my own stage. The neighbors probably here me, but are nice enough not to report it. (chuckling)
At work yesterday my former teacher from, get this, KINDERGARTEN ordered the buffet. She still remembers me, and she still teaches. She does not look like she has even aged a day in all these years. She is was one of my favorites.
Then there is another teacher whom I think of constantly. So much I have learned from her, and much more to come even though I am graduated. She has been married and had kids. Been through divorce. Offered to be the teacher I could mentor come time for when I am in college. Student teach for her. And now finally, my love and I have been invited to her wedding reception! She is getting remarried to a wonderful man. So deserving of each other. She is a teacher, and he is a handsome fireman!
Here I am just thinking that one day it will be me. Getting married, teaching class, making a difference. Getting paid for what I love to do is the least of what I expect from myself. Heck if it were volunteer work I would do it now and forever as long as I had a roof over my head and food for my family. Please let that day get here soon!!!
Lately I have really been wanting to have a family of my own. I am halfway there. I mean I have the love of my life. We just need to get all set, better prepared for what is next before we reproduce. Besides there is my career, and his decision as to whether or not he wants to travel with me in my career.
I am at the point in my days where food sounds nice, but nothing looks good. I am hungry but I am not starving, and when I am starving I eat enough to call it a snack and I literally cannot force myself to eat anything else. I just do not understand my body.
If it is anything I do not understand it is my hormones. My skin I think hates me. I have a little white flag in my head signaling that I surrender, and my skin has still not taken the chill pill.
The love of my life is the one I obviously want to spend the rest of my life with. I remember going into this relationship headfirst what was going through my mind.
-he is so handsome
-he is so different than I am
-he is kind of a bad boy (though I have to say he is now tame)
-I love him already, seriously love him. I am IN LOVE with him. (day 3)
-worried that he may find me boring cause I am not a creative person. Easy to please, simple, will do practically anything. Just he would have to come up with most ideas of “fun” things to do. Creativity/Spontaneous is my weakness. It just does not come naturally to me
-my figure, hell yes I feel great. Love handles practically not there. Muffin top, he can take me as I am cause that probably will not go away. Definitely not abs, definitely not perfect, I am me. I am what he gets.
Well readers… HE GOT ME!!!
I am scared. I am scared of a lot of things.
Aging, death, changes of all sorts, come what may, not being in control (cause the man upstairs is), most of all success and failure. Which one will it be? A beautiful failure, A terrible failure. A spectacular success, or a significant success. Will I even get there, (that is what I mean by death). I am not necessarily afraid of the going part, it is the when and the how that scares the bugeezies out of me.
My body is ready for it, but my mind just is going crazy with thoughts. Dreams await for my sleepy eyes though. So I am afraid this post will have to end here. Until next time….
Goodnight my fellow readers,