Writers Block is a Working Progress

Dear Readers,

I back! Sorry it has been so long, I guess a total of five days? Well I was working on a post these past five days I promise. However I decided to put an end to it, I was getting nowhere with it. Writers block already? it has not even been two weeks. Well I have to say I still do not know what in this whole entire world I would like to write about. Even still, wondering why am I even typing? Have you gone through this before? I mean am I crazy for writing exactly what is going through my head?

Maybe I think if I type my blog like this an idea will suddenly pop into my head and, boom a wonderful blog post will be published.

Still Waiting…..

Okay lets see, home life. I have not successfully gotten caught up with dishes or vacuuming. My bed gets made towards the end of the day, only to be messed up again. Oh and we are just about out of pet food. Pay day tomorrow, thank goodness!! Bills will be paid, but the dishes? No promises. I am going through this stage. I most this stuff (chores) at work, and no one else helps me with anything at home…… so just sit back and relax and hope it gets done.

Sight to see in kitchen bigger mess, and nothings done. Yet again. So I have to say I worked on that today. I may only be nineteen. But heck, I do more than most nineteen year olds in my country. I am practically a stepmom, I pay bills that are not necessarily in my name, but I feel obligated to pay them. I work, and oh I am not living with my parents. But I am happy for the most part.

My relationship has its times. Like any other. And this time it is going by really……….really……slow! It gets frustrating. I feel like we are hitting rock bottom and there is no way up, because I feel like the only one working at fixing it and that is one thing that is IMPOSSIBLE for one human being to do. Fix a relationship that which is their own. I do not want to go into great detail, out of respect for our relationship. In part to why I started blogging in the first place, to get my mind off things. So I am going to stop the party train there with that one

Hey so I think my writers block passed. Hopefully I can find something to post for tomorrow. And the professional thing? I will work on it. It is my goal. I have enjoyed reading through your blogs. You bloggers are my inspiration to accomplishing a more professional blogging style. So thank-you.

Goodnight bloggers,

-Meg

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You are on My Mind

Dear readers,

Today has been a day in itself, but I am reaching out to you so that I am ready for the next time this occurs. Today I was grocery shopping with my mother-in-law to be. On our way home we stopped at McDonald’s to grab a bite to eat. As we were waiting for our food, a man walked in with a little girl maybe 5 or 6 years old at the most. I looked at the little girl cause she was a kid, you know. She was cute. Telling the man, (assuming step dad, because I see no resemblence – diff. in ethnicity if that makes a difference), about the toys she sees. As she turn her head side to side describing them, i notice these marks on her neck. Dark marks on both sides that (if connecting the dots) make a line as if someone has grabbed her. Roughed her around. You know. Finger marks. But I could not tell, and I was second guessing myself. I did not know what to do. The marks were on both sides, same shade, same pattern. Is she being abused? She seemed friendly with the man, happy to be with him. Not skittish or anything. Very sweet little girl. That is why I am hoping I am wrong. But it is and will forever be on my mind!

What if I was not wrong? What will happen then? What if I could have helped that little girl? What if….

So that is why I am coming to you, readers.

What could I have done without making a scene? Was there anything I could have done? Am I just being nosy? Was I wrong for not doing anything, or is that the normal thing to do? I know I would have done something if they were more distinct and I knew for sure it was marks. Especially if there was already an officer in there, but even then I would have told a manager.

What would you do, readers? Give me your thoughts, or advice. So next time I, or we will better understand what to do. Because until then, even after, I will never forget that sweet little girl.

Thank you readers,

-Meg

Marian Days!!!

So was a much better day than the previous one! Then again any day would be a good one when you mix best friends and cultures. Today my friend and I drove 30 minutes to meet each other in the middle, my hometown Carthage, MO. We have not seen or heard from each other in so long, there was so much catching up to do! So we met a coffee shop in downtown Carthage, called Mother Road Coffee. We discussed our lives and life plans until we decided it was time to head out and breathe in some culture!

Marian Days is an event that takes place in Carthage, MO where thousands, and by thousands I really mean to say (original population of Carthage, MO: about 14,500 – Vietnamese pilgrimage for Marian days adds to it about 60-80,000!!!) If you do not believe me then look it up. I have heard that we are just about the only city in the nation that hosts an event like this! Definitely makes Carthage, MO more unique!

My favorite part about Marian Days, other than the culture aspect and being singled out among 80,000 other people, is being able to try and learn new things! The food, the drinks, all of it seems foreign to me! Like Vietnamese hamburgers are called “Bon-Baus”. (Not sure if I spelled that right) The drinks are called “Boba’s”. You can order those with or without Tapioca Balls. I have some photos I took throughout my day to share with you, I hope you enjoy them!

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My Bestie and I
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Strawberry Tea with Jello (tofu)
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The “Boba” Menu
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Yummy Fruit!
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Yucky Fruit! (smells like stinky socks)
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4 blocks from where we parked, proudly walked the whole way!
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I just had to buy it! Souvenir!

My hormones, my enemy, and my dermatologist?

I have been battling my hormones seriously for about 4 years now! I have a hormone imbalance and nothing seems to work. I was on birth control for 2 years. The second year my skin decided to gain up on me. Cystic Acne, it sucks! I went to my family physician and they sent me to a dermatologist in Arkansas because they did not know what exactly was on my face.

The doctor in Arkansas gave me a Cortizone shot with steriods in each of my temples. Those were only two areas of face he could take care of because they were on my temple and the cortizone shot would not be cause that area to dip in too much. The cysts went away that same night and have not been back since. (about 3 years now)

They broke out on my face on both sides on my cheeks. No pain, but they got fairly big and they were infected, and gross! Well I went to another dermatologist, closer to home of course since we know now what was on my face. He worked with me great. He was a well respected man. He again put me on birth control, but then he put me on Accutane. A miracle drug, very strong, very effective, however many risks. So every month I had to undergo tests. Pregnancy tests (though I was not sexually active at the time), blood tests (too check liver and sugar status) because yes that is how strong the drug is. It worked for me!!! They were gone within six months. Skin clear, I was me again!

Sadly that dermatologist past away. I miss him, I wish he were here today, now for his family and patients. I could not want him any more now than ever. My cysts came back. They are on my chin. You know? The parenthesis in your face when you smile, they are right there. Did not hurt at first. I went to the same office as before. The doctor that took over for the previous one saw me. 5 visits so far and we are getting no where. Topical medicines, 3 bleach baths a week, scrubbing my face with a Neutrogena brush, and now that it is summer I was told the chlorine would help.

The past three times I visited his office, all he has done was (sorry i know its gross) drain the cyst and tell me to keep doing what I am doing. No progress whatsoever. What’s worse, and the reason why I am writing this on her today, yesterday I visited his office. Yes he drained it. It has been VERY sensitive lately. I can not even sleep on that side of my face. He started draining it and I came off the table three times before he gave me numbing medicine. Four Shots of it in my face!!!! Did I mention he was practically done. Oh and in the end I had to get stitches because when he drained it, my skin opened up a little too much!

So I go back next week to get the stitches out. I do not want any more appointments with this doctor. Yesterday I even asked him about the skin tags on my hands. Told him they had been spreading. He did not even care. He did not look at them, all he said was “you mean warts?”. That is all he did. End of it. I know I am only 19 but I know what I need from a doctor and he just is not giving me what I need.

It is bad enough I have been avoiding mirrors. I wear my hair down and parted to hide it. Though I know it does no good. It is still there, it still shows.

Any suggestions about my skin problem? I already am going to see if I can not get back to the dermatologist in Arkansas. I am tired of fighting my skin. I need help. Tell me all you know, what you have been through. Anything will do.

Thanks,

your blogger – Meg

The Puppet and Puppeteer, 2015-14

The Puppet and Puppeteer, 2015-14

By: McCoy, Megan D.

               ” The heart beating in my chest, I can hear it now because its dead silent here. My brain no longer has any thoughts. My aches and pains settle in my chest where doubt, worry, and dissatisfaction have piled up. No longer are my dreams within reach. No longer is my happiness eternal. No longer am I a human, for I am a puppet.”

A room so silent as an audience awaits. A show unpracticed, seems to be quite the attraction. A puppet, a fool. An imaginative puppet I am so, to believe that anyone could ever believe in me to do the things I wanted to do. To do the things I once had aspired to do. Believers it seemed. A puppeteer, a fools master. Only to know one thing. To pull, to twist, to bend and to break a puppets soul, a puppets heart. A puppeteer, a false believer, a bad actress tries to make belief how much she believes in her puppet. A puppet, a fool only so naïve believes in such false acts. Builds up her confidence, and lifts her head up high. Runs after a drifting dream so ambitiously, only to be pulled back by her master.

The dream now gone, a puppet sinks low. Head down, arms to rest. A puppet, and puppeteer now settle. Curtains close, crowed cheers. Away goes the puppet and puppeteer.

Strings no longer, thoughts now ponder. Heart still beats, aches now weak. Dreams a shadow; happiness, a good thought. I am human dammit, I have a voice. A puppet no more, I walked out the door. Dreams still distant, but there is no resisting; my legs begin to run free, a smile forms upon my face. For once in my life the hands that hold the dreams and happiness are mine!

Happiness like a drug, relieving the aches as strings pull. Smiling again, laughing again. Seeing a future-again. Feeling the beat of my heart, not strings tugging at it. Happiness. Freeness.

Life. Once a puppet now a puppeteer. I am in control. I choose to be happy. Not sad, not puppet like. So now I play to the beat of my own drum. Words, in my head are happy. Thoughts.

My love. I met a love. That’s when I left my puppeteer. Love. Happy love, saved me from my puppeteer. Faith, hope, future, us together forever. Happy thoughts they were. One end faithfulness failed, on the other end too soft spoken. Too nice. Too caring. Love never faded. Love still overflows. Happy thoughts, no more. That drug thing, happiness. Gone.

Heartstrings pulling, tugging. Tug, Tug, Tug. Tears streaming down my face. Heart beat stops, oh the pain. The strings, too much. Love hurt me. Love. Love? Happiness, I thought I knew. Forever, I thought was true. Us, never happened. Together, never more. Future, was a very distant dream. Faith was broken, my heart shattered. Hope, all is lost. I am a puppet again. I always have been.

Love was never true. Do this, do that. Love was never meant. Words never true. False words like a waterfall, from your mouth. Your eyes like a book, easy to read. The waterfall is heard, never seen. Happy thoughts were false, they were manmade. Happy thoughts never happened, they were the invisible string. Never in control was I. You were my new master. My new puppeteer.  Always a puppet was I, a fool. Yet to leave, yet to go. Your puppet still, what would you like me to do? There is a new crowd watching, cheering. Encore encore.